


There is a Last Time for Everything

by okayfj



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Dissociation, Everyone Is Gay, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:21:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29043054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okayfj/pseuds/okayfj
Summary: Kenma is in his last two years of high school. He's supposed to be growing up- and he is- but he still feels as scared and anxious as he did when he was a little kid.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

Kenma didn’t even realize he might’ve been mentally ill until Kuroo pointed it out to him. 

They ’d been on the train after  school was over , and Kenma had been staring at the words GAME OVER on his DS for a couple  seconds, when Kuroo nudg ed him in the side. 

“Yeah?” Kenma s a id , not looking up. His voice sound ed hoarse and sickly and very, very foreign. 

“Kenma, you’ve been staring at that screen for 20 minutes. You just missed your stop.” Kuroo sa id , much too loudly for Kenma’s taste. Plus, he’ d l ied anyways. They’ d only been on the train for like 2 minutes. Kenma voice d this to Kuroo, restarting his game, and Kuroo respond ed by taking the game from him and telling him to look at his  watch .  Kenma looked up. Kuroo was right. They were  6 stops ahead of the last one Kenma heard, and if that was true then that  means Kenma had been staring at the screen for 20 minutes. 

“Sorry.” Kenma said, taking his DS back from Kuroo. “Can I crash at your place tonight?”

As soon as the two boys got  to the house , Kenma headed straight for the couch he knew he’d be sleeping on and let himself fall asleep.  When he woke up, the room was still  bright but the night was dark outside.  He lay on the couch for a bit, unwilling to get up and find Kur oo, till he noticed him sitting on the other chair in the living room, with a book in hand. 

“Hey.” Kenma said quietly, wanting  his  attention but not wanting to disturb  him . 

Kuroo apparently heard him anyways and looked up at him with squinted eyes. “Hey, dude.”

Kenma yawned and stretched a little. “When’s dinner?” He asked, taking note of the grumbling in his stomach. 

“Uh, we already ate. I tried to wake you  up but you were dead asleep over there. You okay?” 

Kenma nodded and used what little energy he had to make himself sit up. “Yeah, just tired.”

“You’ve been tired for like, three weeks now. Are you sure you’re okay?” Kuroo closed his book and focused all his attention on his friend. 

“I don’t why I wouldn’t be.” 

That was a lie. Kenma was failing all his  classes and considering dropping out. He’d started streaming and  making  YouTube videos that  fall , but he was neglecting that as well.  His parents always seemed to be upset at him, especially for his horrible grades, and he didn’t know if they would support him i f he did drop out. His family would never understand, and Kuroo certainl y didn’t know what it was like to hate yourself as much as he did.  Besides Kuroo, he didn’t trust a person, and there was no way he was going to make it on his own when Kuroo went to college. Kenma felt like giving up, but he didn’t even know what giving up mean t for him. 

“Kenma?” He heard a voice say, but he couldn’t place who’s voice it was. 

“Kenma!” It came again, and Kenma put all his effort into opening his e yes and placing the voice. It was Kuroo, of course it was Kuroo, rushing over to him and trying to touch him. 

“No!” he heard himself whisper, and felt the hands leave his body. He yearned to be touched, he really did, but he was afraid that even the smallest of touches would  break him apart.  He realized he was  crying and hid his face. 

“Kenma, you’re scaring me.”

_ I’m _ _ scaring me, too. _


	2. Chapter 2

Kenma was always an anxious kid. He didn’t dare try to make friends with the other ki ds . He was scared of fireworks and being home alone. He went more places in video games and comic books than he did in real life.  It wasn’t like Kenma wasn’t aware of it, though. He knew he was different from the other  kids - but thinking about it just made him more anxious .

Kenma never considered himself depressed, though. Sure, he had an off day  occasionally , but nothing major. Though, when Kuroo looked at him in his eyes and told him “I’m worried that you're depressed.” Kenma felt a bunch of pieces fall into place. It didn’t  exactly expl ain why he felt like  he hadn’t been living in his own body for the past month, but it explained why the only feeling he ever felt anymore was re morse. 

The pieces, or at least some of them, were in place, so what? Ken ma wanted to cry again . Just because he could admit he was depressed, doesn’t mean anything would get better. It would probably get worse.  If he couldn’t even hide the fact that he was depressed, what else did everyone know about him? Kenma shuddered at the thought of his coach, an adult,  seeing straight through him. 

Now calmed down quite a bit, Kenma moved to where he and Kuroo were facing the same  way, and leaned his head against Kuroo’s strong shoulder. The two of them would never  make good partners for each other, but Kenma would miss this when they were older. He would never admit it, but he found comfort in Kuroo ’s strength and his calm. 

Another good thing about Kuroo is that he knew when to be quiet. Kuroo turned on the TV and slung an arm around Kenma’s shoulders.  Kenma closed his  eyes and let himself drift in and out of sleep for a bit. 

The  week after that , the weight of Kenma’s mental health revelation dragged Kenma down with every step. Kenma grew more and  more anxious that people were seeing through him and that everyone knew  it: he was depressed , and anxious, and an all-around mess.  If Kuroo noticed how on-edge Kenma was, he didn’t say anything, and that  kind of made things worse.  It wasn’t like Kuroo to be so quiet; one of the things that made them friends was their abrupt, straight-forward nature, the very thing Kuroo seemed to be lacking. 

Kenma didn’t shower in the gym shower that  Thursday like he usually did; he was tired and anxious and the idea of being naked in a building with a dozen other guys didn’t sound  any sort of appealing to him.  He hung around till Kuroo was done, though, so the two of them could take the train home together. Kenma didn’t like taking public transport alone. The following year was going to be hell  for him. 

Kenma watched as the rest of the team tri ckled out of the locker room, pretending not to notice Kenma sat on his DS , trying to beat the same game he’d been playing for a month now. 

Eventually, Kuroo emerged from the locker room, looking just as sweaty and riled up as he had after practice. It was weird, b ut Kenma didn’t comment. They walked toward the train station in silence , as usual. Ku roo kept Kenma from tripping down the stairs, as usual. They got on the train and Kenma got back on his DS, as usual.  But something felt wrong to Kenma. More so  than he’d been feeling all month. This was a Kuroo problem. 

Kenma looked up at Kuroo to see the captain sitting beside him with his head in his hands.  He looked like he looked after they’d lost a practice match, like he was desperately trying to keep calm for the team’s sake, but he was  letting something eat him up inside. 

Kenma paused his game and nudged Kuroo in the side gently. 

“What’s up?” Kuroo said, not taking his head out of his hands. 

Kenma stayed quiet. Kuroo looked up at him, then at the screen t hat showed which stop to get off on. 

“C’mon.” Kuroo said, nudging Kenma back, “Your stops up next. I’ll walk you home.” 

Kenma made eye contact. “I don’t need you to walk me home.” What the hell was going on with Kuroo? Was this about  Kenma’s depression ? 

Kuroo shook his head no like he had read Kenma’s thoughts. “I know.” he  said and left it at that. 

They continued to Kenma’s house. Kenma had his DS put away now, he never walked home with it because of how many times h e’d been too distracted and just walked by his own house.

“You really didn’t have to walk me home, you know.” Kenma said, just to get Kuroo to talk. 

Kuroo stopped and Kenma turned around to face him. “I have something to tell you.” Kuroo’s voice was quiet and full of anxiety. Kenma didn’t like it. He was supposed to be the anxious one. 

Kuroo shuffled, looked down at his feet. “Spit it out.” Kenma said, trying to keep his voice even. 

Kuroo looked up and cracked a smile at him. “Theres something that... Well, it  made  everything make sense for me, and I ’m really hoping it makes sense for you, too.  I just...” He trailed off, looking Kenma straight in his eyes. 

With a deep breath, Kuroo stepped forward, and kissed him. 

It was a small,  shy kiss, but it was nice enough . Kuroo pulled away from him quickly and they stood silently for a moment, both too scared to say anything. 

It was Kenma who spoke first. 

“Kuroo, I already know I’m gay.” 

Kuroo’s face twisted unpleasantly in front of Kenma, and he regretted his choice of words immediately. 

“Kenma....”

“It was a good first kiss, though.” Kenma averted his eyes to keep from cringing at himself. 

“You don’t.... shit.” Kuroo  said , and raked a hand through his already tousled hair. 

Kenma was frozen in shock. Some part of him had known this was coming, but another, bigger, part of him had wanted to deny this, wanted to run as far away as possible from Kuroo and his feelings  for him. 

“I thought... maybe...” Kuroo was floundering over his words, gesturing wildly with his hands, and Kenma thought he could see tears in his eyes. It wa sn’t anything like Kuroo, and it was heartbreaking. 

“ Its okay,  Kuroo .” Kenma said, trying to fix it. It seemed to only make things worse.  Kuroo turned away from Kenma, covering his face with his hands. Kenma didn’t know what to do. He’d never been very good a t reassurance. 

“I’m sorry.” Kenma offered.

Kuroo took a deep breath and turned back to Kenma. There were tears streaming down his face, but he didn’t look like he was crying. Kenma had seen Kuroo cry a handful of times during sad movies, and this didn’t look anything like that Kuroo. The edge of Kuroo’s lips quirked up into a sad smile. 

“Don’t be.” He said, shaking his head. “I’m  going to , uh, head home now.”

Kenma nodded, and Kuroo began  the walk  home . Kenma watched for a little as  his friend walked away, then eventually turned back and headed home.  He’d never felt like this before. Like he really needed a hug. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you can just tell this wasnt beta-read

Shoyo Hinata was going to be Kenma’s  saving grace . 

At least  that’s what it looked like. They were well into the summer training camp by now, and whenever Hinata  wasn’t off practicing, he was by Kenma’s sid e. It was weird- Kenma had always been the one following someone else around- but it was nice. It had been a month since the kiss between Kuroo and himself, and things were only beginning to get back to normal. 

Neither him  or Kuroo were the type to end a friendship over something as small as a crush, but  neither of them knew what to do with that kind of situation either. Kenma did his best to talk to Kuroo the way he normally would, but he was often too anxious to know what to say; he  wished he had taken note of the way he talked before so that he could use it as reference. 

It had all seemed to go back to normal when Hinata arrived for the second time this summer, though.  Maybe it wasn’t him-  maybe it was just the environment- but nothing felt tense be tween Kuroo and him anymore. It felt easy, like it had always been, easier than anything else in Kenma’s life.  Kuroo teased Kenma, watched over him like he always had, and there  wasn’t a hint of sadness when he called Kenma’s name anymore. It was good . 

Shoyo also did wonders in lifting Kenma’s mood for some reason. Kuroo had caught  on, and pointed it out like the little shit he was, and Kenma hoped n o one else had.  He  didn’t want anyone  picking up on this- whatever it was- and telling  Shoyo about it. Lord knows Kenma  did not need any more stress in his life.

“Hey,  Shoyo .” Kenma said when the redhead came bounding up to him. 

“Kenma!”  Shoyo almost shouted, “ I got you a piece!” The smaller boy held out a large slice of watermelon to Kenma. For some  reason he  wanted to cry all the sudden. 

Kenma left the line and walked behind  Shoyo , listening to his friend blabber on about some new trick he learned.  Although Kenma had a passion for volleyball as well, he usually  didn’t care to talk about it in his free time. This changed with  Shoyo .  Kenma could honestly talk about anything for hours with him. 

Later that day, Kenma was sitting in the locker room with Kuroo,  Bokuto and  Akaashi .  Bokuto kept leaning over to ruffle  Akaashi's hair, and e ach ti me both Kuroo and  Akaashi’s faces turned murderous. It was quite amusing, really. 

Kenma was quiet for a while, still trying to beat the same damn game on his DS,  until Kuroo changed the subject to  Shoyo . 

“He’s impressive as hell.”  Bokuto replied to  Kuroos comment on his height, “He’s got some raw talent, it’s just a bit  _ too  _ raw if you  know what I’m saying.”

There was a beat of silence. “No,  Bokuto , we don’t know what you’re saying.” came the reply from  Akaashi . 

“I get it.” Kenma said, not looking up from his game. Kuroo turned to him. 

“You’re friends, right?” Kuroo asked, “Thats why you didn’t sit with us while we were eating the watermelon earlier, right? ”

“Sorry,” Kenma deadpanned, “I sat with him and Lev.”

“You? Sat with Lev?” Kuroo squawked.

“He’s friends with  Shoyo , I guess.” 

“ Well I’m glad you’re making new friends!”  Bokuto shot Kenma a bright smile , “We are as well.”

“I’d hardly call it making friends.”  Akaashi said, rummaging through his bag for something. 

“ Well Tsukishima is definitely a little more than friends with one of us.”  Bokuto winked in  Kuroos direction. 

“What?” Kuroo and Kenma said in tandem. 

“I’m just saying, there’s something different about him. And  he gives me homo  vibes . Like, super ‘I want to suck Kuroo’s dick’  vibes .” Kenma  kind of wanted to scream at  Bokuto . 

“ Bokuto !”  Akaashi said, handing  Bokuto a  small pen -like device, “Shut up.”

Bokuto smiled brightly, innocently. “Thanks,  Akaashi ,” He said, taking a hit from the pen. 

Kenma didn’t let  Bokuto’s comments bother him all too much; he was feeling good this week, he couldn’t let his emotions drop now. Shoyo was a ray of sunshine to Kenma; he didn’t want to be a dark cloud. 

Speaking of  Shoyo , Kenma had been watching him both on and off the court.  On the court,  Shoyo was as fiery as ever, maybe even more than usual.  Off the court, he was lovely. No, not  _ lovely _ _ , Kenma, stop being gay _ _.  _ But the re was something in him that Kenma had never seen before.

To Kenma,  Shoyo seemed pure, untainted.  Shoyo didn’t ever talk about the stuff  most of his friends wanted to talk about.  It wasn’t like he didn’t want to talk to  Shoyo about girls and  politics and drama and whatnot, he just never needed to like he did with other people. Other people were demanding and anxiety inducing. Not that  Shoyo couldn’t be demanding and anxiety inducing. (Kenma  got very nervous sometimes when  Shoyo talked too  much or complained about his stomach before a game .)

Though,  Shoyo had his moments when he wasn’t pure at all. They were always complimented with a side of child-like wonder, though. 

“I got to train with Kuroo,  Akaashi , AND  Bokuto last night! It was amazing!”  Shoyo plopped himself down on the ground next to Kenma’s bed.  “ What’d you do?” 

“I beat the game .” Kenma  answered . 

“Awesome! The one you’ve been working on?”

“Yeah.” Kenma said, but he  couldn’t think of anything else to say. For once in his life, he  didn’t worry about it.  It was never quiet for long with  Shoyo . 

“I think  Bokuto’s amazing. And Kuroo, too.  Akaashi doesn’t say much, but  he’s a good setter. He works well with  Bokuto . ” 

Kenma smiled at Hinata’s  comments. Why was he so pure all the damn time? And why did Kenma enjoy it so much? “They do work well together,  yeah .”

“What about Kuroo?  He’s like, your best friend, right?”

“Yeah,” Kenma said, glancing towards Kuroo’s bed which was placed right next to his own , “We’ve been friends since we were, like, four.”

“Wow! Really?”  Shoyo’s eyes were huge. “Thats awesome!  I’ve never had a friend like that! You guys must know everything about each other!”

Kenma tried to joke. “I know too much.” He said, watching  Shoyo’s face carefully. 

“Too much!” He  exclaimed , “How could you possibly know too much?” 

Kenma racked his brain trying to find an example that  Shoyo could relate too.  “I don’t know,”  Shoyo pouted next to him. “What’s something you wish you didn’t know?” 

Shoyo flopped onto his back and stared at the ceiling for a moment. “ I wish I didn’t know Sugawara and Dachi were dating.” He sprung back up gave Kenma a look of shock, as if Kenma had been the one who had said that. “Oh no. Did you kno w? I wasn’t supposed to tell, I just figured you wouldn’t tell  anyone and I didn’t think that- I didn’t think when I said that and you-” Kenma sto pped listening. He needed a moment to  process . 

When  Shoyo was done, Kenma spoke up.  “Why does it bother you?”

Shoyo still looked panicked. Kenma  probably should have said something else first. 

“It doesn’t, I just.”

“You just what?” Kenma  stood up, but he  didn’t leave just yet . But this is the worst  time he’d had all week. Learning that your proclaimed sunshine is homophobic? Not fun.

Shoyo looked up at him with a weird look on his face.  “I can’t ever stop thinking about it, even during practice. I didn’t know you could date  _ boys.”  _

Oh. Okay. Kenma could work with that. 

“Yeah,  Shoyo .  You can date whoever you like. And  don’t worry about Dachi and Suga. I already knew.” Kenma  didn’t mention that he knew because he knew  Dachi and Kuroo were each other’s first kiss , and that Kuroo was one of the first to know when Dachi and Sugawara got together. And Kenma knew everything Kuroo k new . 

Somehow, his conversation in the morning with  Shoyo had lifted his mood into the extreme.  He was feeling confident, so confident in fact th at his  teammates felt the need to say something about it. 

It started with Yamamoto,  _ of course. “ _ Yo u’re moving around a lot more today, Kenma. Feeling good?”

“Yeah.” Kenma went to say, but was interrupted by the loud voice of Lev. 

“You’re all jumpy today! Like Hinata! He  give you some of his special juice or something?”

“I bet they met up and did coke off the bathroom sink this morning.” Yamamoto laughed. 

“What.” was all Kenma said, kind of annoyed that  Lev had brought up  Shoyo in the first place. His teammates were  _ weird.  _

His teammates were his allies, though, and they played well together.  Sooner than Kenma would’ve liked, the week was over and  Shoyo was headed home. While Kuroo  said goodbye to Tsukishima ,  Kenma and  Shoyo bid each other farewell. 

_ I’ll miss you,  _ _ Shoyo _ _.  _ Kenma wanted to say. He didn’t.  Instead, he said goodbye in his own way, listening to  Shoyo go on about how fun it would be to see them at nationals. 

“Bye,  Shoyo .” He  said, and felt his heart sink when it hit him that  Shoyo would be gone in an instant. 

His friend  didn’t seem so sad. “Bye, Kenma!”  Shoyo shouted back with a smile. Kenma turned around and headed towards his room to get his bags. 


	4. Chapter 4

After the training camp, things  returned to normal. Kenma felt like himself for a little while, and he made it through to his 3 rd year of high school. 

It was when Kuroo left for college that Kenma began to slowly decline again. Once again, his grades were slipping, and he felt like his now  flourishing fanb ase secretly hated him- he felt like everyone hated him.  He didn’t realize at first that he was depressed again, but when he did, he felt pathetic.  He hated himself for  faltering without Kuroo’s support. He hated that he fell apart without Kuroo holding his hand. 

They were still friends, of course, and they saw each other on the weekends and some  weeknights when Kenma was invited to dinner at Kuroo’s house. But it was hard.  Kenma felt his absence when he took the train alone in the morning and afternoons, and when he was given his team uniform for the year.  He felt utterly wrecked when they lost their second practice match of the season, and he cried on his way home. Alone. 

Kenma held his emotions in, constantly trying not to break down.  After all, he was a third year now, he was supposed to be confident and  levelheaded. But he  wasn’t \- at all.  He’d cried more this year than he had any other year of high school, and being on the brink of being an a dult  didn’t help at all.

Before Kenma knew it, the summer training camp came around, and when it did, the sun came out.  Needless to say, Kenma was over the moon (about as over the moon as Kenma could get) when he heard  Karasuno would be joining them again this year.  Akaashi was still there, but without  Bokuto and Kuroo, the two  didn’t have much to say to each other. Kenma respected and revered  Akaashi , sure, but the y  didn’t have much in common.  Akaashi was the  beautiful, smart, and respectable ty pe. And Kenma was what? A gamer? 

But it  didn’t bother Kenma too much. What did bother him, though, was  Shoyo’s newfound  confidence.  Shoyo was no longer the shy kid who had followed Kenma around like a puppy- he was  different now, bolder. Kenma  should’ve guessed that this would happen; it had happened to  pretty much everyone but him.  Shoyo had grown into himself, and not just mentally.  Shoyo wasn’t much taller than h e had been the previous year, but the way he held himself had changed drastically. He was still, well, hyperactive, but he put most of that energy into practicing volle yball constantly. 

That was another thing-  Shoyo didn’t ever seem to stop practicing. Kenma had known that  Shoyo was much more devoted to the sport than he was from the start, but it  now  shown itself in bright color .  Kenma hated that he was resentful- of what, he  wasn’t exactly sure- and he had no problem cha nneling that hate and resentment towards himself. 

It was a Sunday, and they were halfway through the summer training camp. Sunday was their one day off,  and Kenma basked in the fact that he could sleep in late. He slept till about 1,  and though he knew this was his opportunity to get some more practice in, he  didn’t . He played on his DS for as long as he could stand,  then made a futile attempt to go back to sleep. He  didn’t believe in any gods,  but at lunch he prayed over his meal and silently asked to be knocked out- anything to end the feeling that he wa s falling into a pit of emotions and emptiness. 

Things seemed to get worse with every step. Kenma kept drifting in and out o f reality, not thinking about what he was doing most of the time he was doing it. After lunch, he dragged himself back to his mattress and saw he  was the only one who had returned to the room. He was remined how everyone else had a life and he didn’t. Great. 

He laid down and stared at the ceiling, a fun new hobby he had picked up while spending the afternoons by  himself, and tried not to think about  Shoyo . Of course,  that’s when the redhead decided to show himself. 

“Kenma!” He heard a voice say. He  didn’t stir. He wanted whoever it was to leave him alone. 

“ Kenmaaaa ,” the voice said, and Kenma sat up, feeling his face twist sourly. 

He was greeted with a smile and amber eyes, but he  didn’t stop frowning. He wanted to talk to  Shoyo , he really did, but he  didn’t want  Shoyo to see him like this. 

“ Hi,  Shoyo .” He  mumbled.

“What ’s up!”  Shoyo said, placing himself on the  ground next to Kenma’s mattress. 

“Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.” Kenma wanted to snap at  Shoyo , wanted to tell him to go away, but he  didn’t have the heart. Or the energy. 

Shoyo clearly  couldn’t read his mind. “Hey, no offense, but your first years really suck this year.”

Kenma scrubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah, I guess.”  Shoyo really needed to shut up. But there was no chance. Kenma debated getting up and just  leaving  Shoyo , but he knew the younger boy would only follow him. He felt trapped. But whatever, right? It was just one conversation. 

Shoyo kept talking, and Kenma  kept listening, or at least trying to. He felt himself drift away, and when h e returned,  Shoyo was just a distant echo.  Shit. Kenma  didn’t mean to go away. Time was slowing down, and he could barely recognize  Shoyo . If it  hadn’t been able to see the  orange hair,  Shoyo could’ve been any other boy. 

Suddenly, he felt hands on him. His anxiety spiked, and he went to move away, ex cept he  couldn’t . He  wasn’t in control of his body, but there was someone touching  him and he  didn’t like it. He distantly heard someone sobbing, distantly recogn ized that it sounded familiar. He went to talk but all that came out was garbled, and he felt like he  couldn’t catch his breath. 

Kenma continued to sit there, eyes closed, trying to beg whoever was touching him to stop, and eventually he started coming back. 

“Breathe, boy, breathe.” Someone, a man, was saying to him.  He opened his  eyes, and was almost surprised by how well he could recognize everything. 

Karasuno ’ s coach, the blonde one, was talking to him, telling him to breathe , but Kenma  couldn’t . He tried, and a sob came out. Oh.  I t was him that was cry ing.

Slowly, Kenma gained control of himself. He  eventually stopped crying, but something still felt wrong. He realized that someone was behind him, touching his back.  He whipped around, and he was face-to-face with  Shoyo , only inches away from him. 

“Kenma, are you okay?”  Shoyo’s voice sounded scared, as scared as Kenma felt. 

Kenma nodded, and  Shoyo laughed and said that was a stupid question. He  reassured coach Ukai that he was okay , but the coach still asked a couple times if he Kenma wanted to call home.  He told him he  didn’t , because that sounded like the dumbest solution to his problem. 

Coach Ukai left him with instruction that if he felt something like that begin to happen again that he was to tell someone. 

Then it was just Kenma and Shoyo. 

“I’m sorry.” Kenma said. 

“I-what?  You’re sorry!  I’m sorry!”

“I shouldn’t have let that happen. I  didn’t want you to see me like that. I didn’t want anybody to...”

“I- Kenma, look at me.”

Kenma  didn’t want to, but he did. 

Shoyo took a deep breath. “I’m gay , and I have a big fat gay crush on Kageyama .”

Kenma blinked at him. Had  Shoyo actually gone and lost it?

The edge of  Shoyos lip quirked up into a small smile. “See, now you know my  darkest secrets,  okay?  So we’re even.”

Kenma smiled the biggest smile he had in a long time. “ Shoyo , I’m gay too.”

“What?!”  Shoyo was practically yelling. “ _ You’re gay?” _

Kenma glanced over his shoulder. 

“Sorry, you're gay?”  Shoyo repeated, quieter. 

“Yeah,  Shoyo .”

“I  cant believe it!  That’s awesome! But- wait.”  Shoyo’s face fell.  “Now we’re not even. You know all my secrets and I know yours  _ and _ I’ve seen you cry.”

“It’s okay. I have other secrets.” 

Shoyo’s eyes widened.

“Like what?”

Kenma would never admit it, but if he had to pinpoint it, t hat was the moment he fell in love with him. 

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this work is not original, it's from Phoebe Bridgers' song Halloween, because Punisher is all I listened to while I wrote this. Sorry this is so short, later chapters will be longer I promise. If something sounds incredibly Not Right, feel free to ask me about it. Constructive Criticism is greatly appreciated.


End file.
